The Marine's found they had too many high ranking NCO's and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any volunteer for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The retiree got to choose what those two points would be.
The first Senior Staff Sergeant who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second SGT who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $76,000.
The third one was Gunnie sergeant, a grizzly old Marine, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, from the tip of my penis to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two retiree's had received.
But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Gunnie to 'drop 'em,' . The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the penis and began to work back.
"Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?''
Gunnie replied, '' Vietnam''.

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This page is for misc. military  information, jokes and what ever. Feel free to submit what you think may be of interest to your fellow comrades. Use form on the bottom right.

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Military Humor

     The USS Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).
     However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the USS Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
     Making Jamaica on October 6, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
     Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there November 12. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
     On November 18, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
     By January 26, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
     The USS Constitution arrived in Boston on February 20, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky, and 38,600 gallons of water.


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A humble history lesson for all of us!   Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?
      Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.  
     Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.
      Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.
      They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.
      What kind of men were they?
      Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.
     Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships  swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts and died in rags.
     Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.
     Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
      At the battle of Yorktown , Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.
      Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
      John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his grist mill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning  home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price the paid.

     Remember freedom is never free! I hope you will show your support by sending this to as many people as you can, please. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the  Fourth o
f July  has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games.